In our November article, I outlined some signs of aging you may notice while visiting relatives or loved ones during the holiday season. When those signs become alarming or you recognize a safety issue, it might be time to talk with the elder loved one about ensuring their well-being. This month, we will cover tips for approaching this subject of bringing in care or moving to a care facility.
Decide Your True Motivation
To help you frame the conversation, determine your true motivation behind the conversation. If there is a grave safety concern, that should be the central theme. Is the care needed becoming too burdensome on the family members pitching in to help? Is the spouse’s decline affecting the health of the well spouse? Your concerns for their well-being coming from the heart will drive the conversation. Be clear about your motivation and the authenticity of your message will come through.
Presentation of the Conversation
Take time to think about your choice of words. Consider the surroundings and timing of the discussion. Plan who should participate in the conversation and meet beforehand to ensure all involved are on the same page. Determine whether the goal is simply to express concern or whether you are asking them to make a change or decision.
Turn the Tables
Put yourself in your loved one’s shoes. How might they feel with the method of presentation? How are they going to feel about this conversation in general? One good way to keep the conversation going is to ask them how they envision solving the problem. If the discussion becomes argumentative, it is okay to take a break.
Understand the Desired Outcome
The goal of your conversation may be simply to express concern and make the elder family member aware of the aging signs you notice. However, if the objective is to move towards change, this should be clearly expressed. It may help to prepare a plan. For example, if the choice is whether to move to a care facility, it takes time and research to make that happen. Your plan could include a list of the facts you wish to understand, delegate to the person responsible for finding the answer, and schedule a date to revisit the progress of the decision. There are incredible resources available, and new and creative services are being offered as the Baby Boomer generation reaches this critical age. A consultation with our Elder Law team can help you organize the scope of the decision at hand, provide valuable information about payment sources for various types of care, and recommendations for resources to help navigate these long-term care decisions.
