Every summer when my kids were little, I had high hopes. On an early May Costco run, I would buy the summer workbooks hoping they wouldn’t lose academic ground over the summer. To remain disciplined, I made a chore list, an activity board of summer bucket list items I wanted to do with them, including things like, “Go to Deanna Rose, take a hike at Shawnee Mission Park, go fishing, get ice cream at Betty Rae’s.” I even made a “bored jar” so if my kids said they were bored, they would draw a piece of paper from the jar and it would include something like, draw a picture of the dog, or even something as terrible as scrub the toilets. I found the risk of the toilet scrubbing and chores of the like to be motivating to entertain oneself. I wish I could say we stayed dedicated to all these things throughout the summer, but typically by the beginning of August we’d spiraled into too many video games and fruit snacks. The change from school to summer and back again marks distinct moments in time causing us to reset each season with a new set of ideas, goals, aspirations.
Change. It’s the most reliable and consistent thing about life, isn’t it? I’ve found in my life, the more willing I am to embrace change, the more content I am. This applies in my work life as the law regularly changes, and most definitely in my personal life and the spaces in between.
As my kids have gotten older, they need less and less of my time, especially with a driver in the house. This is freeing to a certain degree, but then again, they need me less and less and I’m not so sure I like that freedom, both theirs and mine. As kids get older and our role changes in their lives. I’ve found that while they need less of my time generally, they need more of my intellectual focus, listening, coaching if you will. It is a change in my role. I know as the next stages come that role will change again and again as they go to college, become a self-supporting adult (hopefully!), get married, become parents, etc.
We are in the phase of life that our friends’ children are graduating from high school and heading off to college. Our children are soon to follow. Where will they go to college? How do we help them make the right choices and protect them from their immaturity and lack of life experience in making these massive life solidifying decisions? If you have a working crystal ball, I’d love to borrow it. Joking aside, I do a lot of praying and dropping vague nuggets of wisdom as direct “interference” isn’t often well received.
Parenting is hard when kids are little, as it is physically exhausting and sometimes mind numbing, but nothing can prepare you for free and independent thinkers who what your ear but not your words. Keeping my mouth shut is hard for me, but if I’m honest, I love having teenagers. They are adults in training, taking adulthood out for a test drive. We’re going to have a great teenager summer. Their ambitions- making a little money and have as much fun as possible. My ambitions include beginning college visits with my oldest, embracing that change (gulp), and making sure all the flowers and tomatoes I planted get watered all the way through August. I’m quite confident that the college visits will happen; if I’ve learned anything from my history, the plants will probably go the way of the summer workbooks.
Happy summer and sorry plants!
